Many people ask me how I am able to remain so close to my husband of 12 years throughout our married life.
With many factors such as distance, kids, stress, fights and make ups, career changes, loss, sadness and joy all a part of our relationship’s existence, we have always managed to make time for each other and believe the things that we face together only serve to make our bond stronger.
So I thought I would share some of the strategies we use on a daily basis if you are wondering how to reconnect with your spouse.
This is a great exercise in taking the time to really focus on your partner and is useful even if your relationship is in top relationship health.
After 7 days you will feel more connected and more aware of each other than ever before.
In as little as 10 minutes a day for 7 days, you will be able to bond and reconnect with your spouse using these strategies. It is important to have you both on board for this seven day challenge as there are activities for you both to complete.
How to Reconnect With Your Spouse
On the first day all you need is 10 minutes out of your day to complete this activity.
You and your partner need to write down a list of 10 things you love about the other. Then sit down face to face and read them to your partner while looking into his/her eyes.
You could combine this task with a dinner out, or a romantic dinner in. Or go for a hand-in-hand stroll in the park and then sit down to read your list.
Start each item off with ‘I love the way you…..’ and take turns reading your complete list to each other.
Spending the time to do this activity will firstly remind you of the things that you adore about each other and rekindle the feelings that you had for each other when your relationship was new.
The all important eye contact will give your statements depth of meaning as you strive to express your love as you are talking directly to your partner’s soul or inner being.
Here is the list I wrote for my husband:
I love the way you always look after me
I love the way you look after your body
I love your hair
I love the way you are such a great Dad
I love the way you give me massages
I love your cuddles
I love the way you always support me no matter what, you are in my corner
I love your energy and enthusiasm for everything in life. You are always willing to give anything a try (and you are usually pretty good at it too)
I love those loving text messages you send me
I love the way you make me a cup of coffee in the morning x
Instead of simply saying ‘I love you’, positive affirmations such as ‘I love the way you…’ are a beautiful way to express your love. Use them daily.
Give your partner an all over body massage.
Invest in some good quality massage oils to make it a pleasurable experience for both. Crank up the candlelight and some relaxing tunes. Use some heat packs to warm up each respective area before you concentrate on them. Set a timer for 1/2 an hour and then swap over.
My partner finds great delight in locating my knots and then soothing them out. This beautiful way to reconnect using touch is one of my favourites.
You really concentrate on your partner and relish in relieving muscle discomfort at the same time delighting in the feel of their skin and the shape of their muscles.
Time to have some fun.
Find an activity that you have never done before and try it out with your partner.
You could find a dancing class and tear up the floor with some ballroom moves, or go and have stand up paddle-boarding lessons together, get matching tattoos, go and hire some rollerblades and skate around together, maybe a cooking class. My husband and I are about to get some matching tattoos. Stay tuned for that!!
Spending quality time together, as a couple with a fun activity will make you laugh. Laughing releases serotonin which makes you feel happy so in the future, you will associate your partner with that feeling of happiness.
Have a bubble bath together.
Use lots of bubbles, add some ambient lighting, some wine and some soothing tunes. Invest time in each other. Soap up and wash each others hair, or shave his face or her legs.
This is such an intimate way to spend an hour of your time and a great investment into your relationship.
In my house, if we fill the bathtub you end up with little kids and splashing which isn’t quite as romantic, so we just spend time in the shower in that case.
Tonight it is all about oral sex.
Please your partner using only your mouth and hands.
Take turns. When it is your turn focus completely on your partner. Let only your own bedroom limitations guide you and do only what is consentual and loving always.
Some of you won’t feel comfortable doing this one. My husband wasn’t too keen, but in the end he saw the value in it.
Sit cross legged on the floor face-to-face and bend forward so your foreheads touch. Close your eyes. Now breathe in sync with your partner.
Take deep breaths in and out while focusing on your partner’s breath. Set a timer and breathe with your partner for 5 whole minutes. Don’t talk, just breathe.
This is a lesson in togetherness and sychronicity.
Plan, shop, prepare and eat a wonderful meal together and recap your week.
Decide what your favourite dinner is together then head to the shops and don’t scrimp on ingredients, and wine. Prepare every step together using teamwork skills to share the load. You wash, he chops, you add, he stirs, whatever. Just do it all together.
As you sit down at the table with a beautiful dinner that you have prepared with love, talk about the last 7 days and what your favourite part has been of your intention of how to reconnect with your spouse.
I hope your favourite part has been just that. Reconnecting with your spouse.
Simply by doing these little actions on a regular basis will truly strengthen your bond as a couple and make you feel that deep love and connection to your spouse.
These first 7 days are just the beginning and will give you a strong foundation upon which to build an unbreakable bond.
And it’s fun! Try it for yourself and let me know how you go.