As discussed in my previous post, according to Dr Gary Chapman there are 5 love languages. These are explained in detail in his #1 Bestseller The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts
The 5 Love Languages are:
Allow me to elaborate on each language in order for you to decipher which one most speaks to you.
1. Words of Affirmation
The first language uses words to affirm.
This might mean saying ‘I love you’ or paying a complement. Saying something like ‘I appreciate you’ and ‘You are really amazing’ would be included in this.
Anything that someone says out loud to their partner which has positive or complementary themes is this love language.
If you go weak at the knees when your partner sends you a love letter or a romantic text, if you love hearing the words ‘I love you’ and recieve complements with glee then this may well be your top love language.
2. Acts of Service
When I did the love language quiz at the official 5 Love Languages website this is what my result was.
For people like me, actions speak louder than words.
My husband doesn’t need to tell me he loves me like the first language of affirmation, instead he shows me all the time by doing practical things for me. Things such as getting up at dawn’s crack and making me a cup of tea. Or surprising me by hanging out the washing while I am busy putting the kids to bed. I love going for a shower only to discover that he has cleaned up the kitchen while I was gone.
Because the Acts of Service language is the love language that is top of my list, this is how I want to be shown love by my husband. He gives me a neck and shoulder massage at the slightest signal that I am need and by doing so, shows me that our love is true.
3. Receiving Gifts
In this language you feel loved most of all when your partner showers you with gifts.
Gifts is a broad term, and a gift may be as simple as a special shell found at the beach, or more extravagant such as a diamond ring and a trip to Vegas! Or anything in between.
With gift giving, the giver understands that his or her partner prefers material things as a way to their own heart. I love when my husband surprises me with a bunch of flowers! Don’t you? I enjoy giving gifts for him as well but I know that this is not his favourite way to receive love from me. He is a physical affection type of guy.
4. Quality Time
This language is all about giving your partner your undivided attention.
When you speak this language, you place the most importance on spending meaningful time with each other, one on one with no distractions. So, you may enjoy going out to dinner together, or exercising together or travelling across an ocean on a yacht. These are all ways of spending that quality time with your loved one.
If this is your language and you have a couple of children, you must really make the time to nurture yourself and your relationship by planning out quality time just the two of you so your partnership doesn’t suffer.
5. Physical Affection
Remember when you first started dating and you and your partner could not keep your hands off each other? That is what my partner is still all about, 14 years after we first got together.
From sexual intimacy to a simple touch on the arm as you walk by, we are always giving each other affection in this way. I am only too well aware that without this constant re-connection and physical bond from me, he feels unloved.
It doesn’t matter how may times I say I love him, or if I give him presents, he and I need to be in touch in a physical sense in order to make him content.
So, every time I walk past him, I make sure I touch him. I might put my hand on his arm or trail my fingers along the nape of his neck. I come up behind him and put my arms lovingly around his waist or fully embrace him and come in for a kiss. Sex is important for him too. More essential for him than for me I think, however what is important to me is the fact that I need to be available to provide sexual intimacy as a way to speak to him in his top love language.
The 5 love languages are not exclusive. You can speak all of them if you want to! In fact, it is important to speak all of the languages in some degree for ultimate relationship health. They are absolutely flexible too.
The main point is to make sure you are aware of which language is spoken by your partner, and vice versa so then you can love and be loved accordingly.
For a couple to learn about the 5 love languages it can only be beneficial to your relationship. And the best way to learn would be to check out the book The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman. Have you already read the book? Comment below.