The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts
by Dr Gary Chapman
Available on: Amazon
Kindle Edition – $6.17
Hardcover Edition: $12.84
Paperback – $9.39
Audio CD – $25.98
Rating: Amazon readers rating – 4.7 out of 5 stars
Relationships are never easy.
And as the years pass especially we tend to neglect our spouses and under-appreciate how great they really are. But what if there was a way you could show your love and appreciation for your partner by speaking to them in a way that they will understand?
This book shows you just how to do that.
So the book works on following the 5 love languages and provides a quiz to enable you to determine with which language you and your partner speak. This then means you can then express your love to them using their favourite language and rekindle the fire of your partnership.
These are Dr Chapman’s 5 Love Languages:
- Words of Affirmation: When this is your language, you need to be appreciated by your partner. Complements and open expression of thanks are commonly expected from your partner who always enjoys reminding you that their world is a better place because of you.
- Acts of Service: For this language, you need a partner who is always putting themselves first for you. Maybe they love giving you a massage, or cooking dinner, or volunteer to do the grocery shopping. Giving practical help where it is needed is key here.
- Affection: The affection language of love finds you feeling the love with a touch, a kiss or any kind of physical or sexual intimacy. A caress as you walk past, a passionate kiss or a loving hug are all ways of speaking this language.
- Quality Time: Being together one-on-one and totally engaged with each other in any activity is what this language is about.
- Gifts: Maybe you need physical gifts to make you feel properly loved. Diamond rings, bunches of flowers and more are they key to this language.
For more information on working out what is your love language, have a look here: Finding your Love Language.
The way it works is, according to the author, we have 2 main love languages that fuel up our ‘love-tank’ and these are the languages which we use on our partners as well.
So the key is being able to speak each other’s language fluently.
Too often you will find a husband confused when after mowing the lawn and fixing the car (acts of service) his wife asks him why he never shows any physical affection (affection). Or when a wife craves words of affirmation but all she gets is gifts because that is how her husband professes his love.
My husband’s main love language is physical affection although I think he actually speaks all of the languages very well!
Once I realised that he is not always touching me and wanting more sex for purely selfish reasons but because this is the way he feels loved, then I was able to give him the affection he needs. When we don’t touch as much as normal for some reason, I can tell he really starts to feel aloof but now I am able to fix it through speaking his love language of physical affection.
My language was harder to determine.
I think because my husband has filled up each of my 5 ‘love-tanks’ so very well, I found it difficult to identify my top language as they all speak to me equally!
If I had to pick one though it would be acts of service. To me, nothing says I love you like my man getting out of bed at 5am to make me breakfast before work. Or always giving me amazing orgasms without me lifting a finger. Or making me a cup of tea after dinner. Or making the kid’s school lunches so I don’t have to bother. Or giving me deep tissue neck and shoulder massages if he sees me sitting at the computer for too long.
What my husband and I have come to realise is that we truly speak each other’s language.
Now this wasn’t always so and it took time to figure out and accept that even though the way we most enjoyed accepting love from each other was different, it didn’t matter as long as we knew how to give it back.
I wish we had read this book sooner.
“When your spouse’s emotional love tank is full and he feels secure in your love, the whole world looks right and your spouse will move out to reach his highest potential in life. But when the love tank is empty and he feels used but not loved, the whole world looks dark and he will likely never reach his potential for good in the world.”
Gary Chapman – The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts.
The author Dr Gary Chapman has been married for over 45 years.
He uses this expertise from his own relationship with his wife Karolyn and the experience of many years of marriage counselling and pastorship to give us these amazing series of books on the 5 Love Languages.
The series has sold over 10 million copies worldwide and has been translated into over 50 different language which is testament enough to the effectiveness of Dr Chapman’s advice and authority.
This book and the theory of the 5 love languages really worked for us and it can work for you too. I am so happy I read it and my husband and I really learnt a lot about ourselves and each other in the process.
Have you read this book yet? Comment below.